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dogapult:

today papa john’s called my starbucks and they were like “are u guys interested in a trade” and five frappuccinos later they gave us two large pizzas and a large order of cheesy bread

So there’s a mollusk, and a sea cucumber….

hippieslovesunshine:

The mollusk walks up, well. not walks up, SWIMS up and says, well.. he doesn’t talk.. Alright, lemme start over.

"My eyelids are heavy, but my thoughts are heavier."
-me every night. (via verpisssdich)

absinthecake:

When people ask how you’re doing at the end of the semester

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troyesivanismyqueen:

troyesivanismyqueen:

i don’t think i’ll ever be ready to be a parent i can’t even raise a spider how do u expect me to kill a child

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oh good god i fucked up

blank:

“beauty sleep” is such bullshit I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like a trashcan